This well-known phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child,” has been used very frequently over the past decades to express the important role that community plays in raising children. And while I could not agree more with it, as a mother of two little children myself, I would extend this proverb even further and say that it also takes a village to raise ourselves. It’s very much in line with the proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.”

We are social creatures who cannot live well without social contact and social support systems. Of course, we can do things by ourselves, but everything in life is much easier when you know that you have a support system that can inspire you and catch you in case you slip.

The importance of moais (tribes) on
Japan’s Okinawa islands

In the Southern island archipelago of Japan—the Okinawa islands—lots of studies have been carried out to better understand why it is one of the places in the world with the most centenarians (people living 100 years or longer). While many factors contribute to this situation, including the healthy diet, the antitoxic green tea people drink, and the moderate exercise most people engage in, another point has been raised many times: the importance of a good social support system.

In past days, it was pretty common for parents in Okinawa to pair their children from an early age onward with a group of usually about five children with similar interests or circumstances. These children would then form a moai, a group or tribe, which could sometimes last for a whole lifetime.

Being part of moai meant that you would get together regularly—usually a few times per week—to discuss, to enjoy some time, or partake in a hobby together, but also to help each other in times of crisis, for example, if a child was sick, a partner died, or if you faced financial problems. People in a moai provide deep support and respect for one another, and some moais have lasted for over 90 years. Being part of a moai and knowing that there is a safety net in good and bad times makes it much easier to deal with the ups and downs that life throws at us.

There are still many moai groupings nowadays, and some of the eldest people on earth have explained that these groups and get-togethers play a considerable part in their everyday well-being.

How social support systems
influence us positively

Research has shown that positive social connections play a crucial role for people to feel happy and healthy. For example, a study on social connectedness and longevity demonstrated that people who regularly get together with groups with similar values, health habits, and life goals are more likely to experience less stress, feel happier, and live longer.

Social support systems exist in every country in one form or another. In more communal-structured societies, the community you live in can play an important role when it comes to support in everyday life. In Mexico, I observed the vital role that the extended family still plays in support, from childcare to financial aid, but also in terms of enjoying important festivities together.

What is important is that we have some sort of social support system. In Western societies nowadays, people sometimes feel quite isolated and with a lack of support. Yet, even though it might take some time to find “your people,” it is worth every effort to look out for them.

Finding tribes for different endeavors in your life

When reflecting on the moai concept, I could relate on many levels to the importance that good friends and positive, supportive networks play in our lives. I love the moai concept and find it fascinating that some moais have lasted more than 90 years. Yet, for many of us, it might be difficult to keep up such a moai in the same place for a lifetime simply because we might move or evolve on our life journey.

Each of us wears many hats, and I believe it can be beneficial to find or create moais for different areas of our lives. Finding your tribe is something precious—no matter if it is a close group of friends or people who share similar interests or hobbies as you do. So, how can we find such tribes that can support us in the different life endeavors we have?

1. Look out for people and groups
with whom you have something in common

As I have moved frequently in my lifetime—often to new cities, countries, or continents—I had to get used to establishing my tribe on-site each time I arrived. And I know from experience that this can be quite a time- and energy-consuming undertaking. It takes some time to get to know your surroundings, your neighbors, the local community, and people with whom you connect. But I have found that often it helped me to look out for communities and groups with whom I had something in common.

During my university years, it was through flatshares and various student organizations or activities that I found my people. Later on, when my husband and I moved to China, we found our close circle of friends by visiting events for young professionals. In Japan, I found my tribe by joining the Tokyo Pregnancy Group, a group of women from all over the world who were pregnant at the same time. The friend group that emerged from that was invaluable during that special time when I transitioned into motherhood in a completely new environment. Back in Switzerland, I found several tribes—some related to mom activities, some to entrepreneurial activities, and some in regard to writing activities.

What is important is to look out for activities and events where you can encounter like-minded people with whom you share a common interest. This makes it much easier to connect deeply and authentically.

2. Find online and offline tribes for the different life areas
that are important to you

Nowadays, it is very easy as well to find some of your tribes in the online space. For example, I met most of my author and writer colleagues online through writers’ circles and author groups that I joined. Connecting regularly with them, meeting in online calls and courses, and exchanging views about the opportunities and struggles that arise are of immense value. I’ve also found an incredible network for entrepreneurs online. We even have a global mama group with women from around the world with whom we connect very regularly to discuss our dreams, visions, and struggles alike.

I think that there exist groups for just about anything in the online and in the offline world. It can be related to a specific sports type, a hobby, a passion you share, or work- or lifestyle-related themes. Most courses that I follow on personal development in the online world include “tribe functions” as well now, where you can connect, ask your questions, and sometimes find friends for life. What counts is that you find people—or a tribe—that encourages you on your way. Having people that inspire and uplift you and, ideally, also hold you accountable for your goals or dreams is invaluable.

Online groups and tribes can be extremely helpful as you can find groups for niche topics or offers that might not be available in your physical surroundings. Yet, at the same time, it is beneficial to have at least a few in-person tribes, as well, as direct contact with like-minded people in our environment is essential for our well-being.

“It takes a village…” to blossom in life

I genuinely believe that finding your tribes for the different areas of your life that are important for you can be invaluable in growing personally, realizing your dreams and goals, and feeling supported and held during challenging moments. Observing the benefits that moais have had on some of the oldest people on earth on Japan’s Okinawa islands shows that regular social interaction with a group of like-minded people or friends is one of the main ingredients for living a long and happy life. So, it is worth searching for or even creating those tribes that make you feel joyful, happy, and alive!